John 5:1-9 (NRSV)
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Chapter 5After this there was a festival of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Verse 2Now in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there is a pool, called in Hebrew Beth-zatha, which has five porticoes. Verse 3In these lay many invalids-blind, lame, and paralyzed. Verse 5One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. Verse 6When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" Verse 7The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me." Verse 8Jesus said to him, "Stand up, take your mat and walk." Verse 9At once the man was made well, and he took up his mat and began to walk. Now that day was a sabbath.
Devotion
When was the last time you had a disagreement or were angry with someone? Do you ever find yourself wanting to hang on to that anger—wallowing in the delicious feeling of self-righteous rage? If we are honest we really want to hang onto that certain sense of superiority or rightness that comes along with a little ego-restoring wound licking. At the same time we can imagine some suitable retribution for the other. We don't want to forgive too quickly and relinquish the position of moral superiority.
If healing includes the ability to let go and forgive and have our relationships restored and all the brokenness mended—if healing is really about wholeness—then if we were asked if we wanted to be healed, we would have to say, "well, not quite yet." Do we want to be healed? Do we want to forgive everyone who has hurt us? Are we ready to humble ourselves and admit our own faults and ask for forgiveness from others? Are we ready to be healed in this way too? And if not, what do we still want to hang on to and what's our excuse?
Prayer
Forgiving, gracious God, heal me—even of my pompous self-righteousness and the unwillingness to forgive and accept the forgiveness of others—even if I'm not done enjoying it just yet. Amen.